The “I’m Sorry” Habit
The difference between dharma doers and (unpleasant) karma collectors.
Look around you. People are saying “I’m sorry” out of habit, demoralizing the true meaning behind those words when they are spoken after deep inner reflection, self-acknowledgment, acceptance of a need for change and an internal promise to be more mindful and expansive as a spiritual soul walking this earth. The next time someone says “I’m sorry” to you, ask them why. Why are they sorry? You’ll be surprised at how many of us don’t have the slightest clue as to why we’re feeling that we need to apologize for something we’ve deemed as justifiable, which means there is no real need for an apology, is there?
There is a very noticeable split in the world of dharma doers and (unpleasant) karma collectors. You have those who feel energetically responsible to be a positive role model for spiritually progressive change in the world, and subconsciously over-apologize (self-included). Then there are those who are too frightened to examine the fact that our soul extends far beyond this physical body and engage in petty, self-righteous stubbornness that refuses to acknowledge the cause and effect of our actions, lacking compassion for others. Both are hiding behind a mask of inauthenticity, serving merely as a different side of the same coin.
Photography by Garth Joseph @ oneteamnodream
Speaking from the perspective of the Atman, the true Self that lives within the home of unity with all things without a sense of separation from anything, the greatest spiritual progression that can occur is to live in a reality in which the ego completely disappears. If you are someone who notices a pattern of being overly-apologetic in situations that were well intentioned, the act of apologizing loses its meaning. There is a fine line between humbly acknowledging our faults, leading with compassion, and feeding into the ego’s desire to either fix a situation, take on burdens that aren’t ours (believing we can handle it better than others) or using our compassion as a tool for subtle self-deprecation. The moment we become overly-apologetic (which implies that the ego has become involved), we become a web of confusion for those stepping onto the spiritual path. Serving as a “positive role model” by strictly human standards and serving as an “accurate role model” for spiritual expansion are two completely different contributions to society. It is easy to become swept into the tides of societal norms without questioning the “why” behind them all. Perhaps it’s because of the natural human need to feel love, safety and security within our relationships, our communities, and our world. In having the courage to question what’s always been done, we become a threat to the comfortability of others. You need a high-risk tolerance if you choose to begin questioning why society does what it does because every cause has an effect. The effect may be a loss of superficial security. When you observe the great masses moving in one direction, ask yourself “why?” in your own time. This will bring you one step closer to your true Atman.
If you decide to become more committed to the use of only the deeply intentional “I’m sorry” expression as part of your daily practice, this will also have a positive impact on your soul’s karma. In becoming more intentional with the use of language, you inherently also develop a stronger self-love practice, which is another phrase that gets thrown out there all willy-nilly without depth in meaning. The law of karma refers simply to cause and effect. How you cause yourself to feel about you will have an effect on the relationships you build with others. Building of karma is not only reserved for physical deeds or actions (as so many seem to believe), but it also includes mental activity and shaping reality through mindfulness of thoughts. When you commit to deeply intentional word use inwardly, you are in turn honoring the Atman. You furthermore honor yourself in honoring the words you choose to speak to others. The way you speak to yourself is a mirror for how you intentionally speak to others. If you are someone who has developed a pattern of engaging in habitual negative self-talk (say aye!), it means there is a part of you that will always be somewhat untruthful or inauthentic when speaking to others unless you begin to monitor your own words to self. That’s a shadow truth that I, too, am beginning to realize. The Atman within each of us would never utter such lies of unworthiness towards self or others, so how can you truly be authentic in the world when you’re choosing to be inauthentic with yourself?
Take the old cliché “It’s not enough to talk the talk, you have to walk the walk.” That’s all fine and dandy given that fact that more people are being unintentional in their talk and not backing up their words with their walk. However, as an awakened soul living out a spiritual path among humanity, it’s not enough to “walk the walk”, you also have to “talk the talk”. Otherwise, you’re being just as inauthentic as the next person still lost in the clouds of the human dream. Shadow truths, shared with love.
-Katherine